Nostalgia and letting go, the hardest part…

For me, now, the more difficult part has started. The time of letting go, not my best feature, although it has improved. I’ve done this before, when I moved to live in London for almost a year when I was 20. Back then, it was more like running away. It was the first time away from my parents, away from the village I had grown up in. It was time for a change. So, I decided to do my graduation year in London. I cried every day during the first 2 months, but wouldn’t have want to miss it for the world. Had loads of fun, made new friends and learned a lot.

Here we are again, time for a change. Although not running away this time, but more of a conscious decision to give myself some time and space.

But, with leaving come goodbyes and I don’t like those. It’s a bit of process fortunately, with quite some tears.

I’ve found a tenant for my house, which is a relief financially, but a weird idea emotionally. With the viewings, my house had to be clean and kind of empty, so it hasn’t been as cosy as it normally is. It already feels a bit less like home. Filling the first movingbox with things was also more overwhelming than I expected. It brought back sad memories of my last move, when me and my (now) ex were moving apart.

I had my final tai chi class, which I thoroughly enjoyed the past 1.5 years. I’m really going to miss that, even though the practice never ends :). The yoga class I’ve been teaching for the past 2 years, at the gym at work, will end. It was my first weekly class, a small group, but very committed and I’ve enjoyed seeing how their movement has changed. And all the lovely outdoor sessions we did when the weather was nice (fingers crossed for the last classes!).

And, of course my job. I’ve worked in the lab for the past 10 years. Four different labs; heart failure, cancer and cartilage repair research. And have been at the AMC for the past 7 years and a bit (7-year itch… time for a change ;)). It has been a wonderful time. Finally, I could stay somewhere and be able to develop my skills and really participate in the research (there’s only so much you can do when you’re somewhere for just a year). Now, as I’m finishing up, organizing data and such, it really shows how much we’ve actually done.

I can say that I’m very happy and proud to have been part of such an amazing group and be surrounded by such lovely and intelligent people, whom I will really miss. I’m especially and incredibly thankful for the space I’ve been given to also develop my non-lab work, which I do realise, is pretty rare. Doing a yoga teacher training at the same time (starting later, but finishing sooner ;)) as my ‘boss’ and practice our teaching skills together on colleagues, was pretty awesome (and got me teaching at the gym for the past 2 years)!

So now, with just about 2 weeks to go, I’m getting ready for the big change.

Finishing some last bits on Lotje, organizing some sort of goodbye picnic, putting stuff in boxes and, on paper, moving back in with my parents (feels very unnatural, but is rather convenient). Feeling excited, nostalgic, grateful, tired and a bit scared with a pile of tears, happy ones and sad ones… something with a rollercoaster… but a good one 🙂

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